How to Get Me to Swipe Right

So, I'm a Tinder user, lover, heck -- I'd be a Tinder ambassador if such a thing existed.  I love the dating app.  I pretty much don't use anything else anymore.  For a bunch of reasons.  One of those is that I really enjoy the getting to know you process.  I don't want to read about your most embarrassing moment before meeting you -- I want that organic moment of when something happens and you cringe and share.  I want to hang out somewhere and ask each other questions. That said, I'm also not one for talking a ton to guys before going out with them.  I look, I swipe, I arrange, I go.  Pretty cut and dry. There are many ways to tinder.  One of my best guy friends, M, swipes right on EVERY girl.  First of all, he's usually just looking to get laid and doesn't feel like reading through profiles, etc.  He also generally doesn't care what someone looks like unless there's something really weird about them... and swiping right has led to a few encounters with the toothless.  Okay... ONE encounter with the toothless.  His method is to swipe right on everyone so that he gets all his matches.  Then he messages each and every one of those girls and usually will meet up with anyone willing. I love him, but that is not my style.  I get that I'm not going to stumble across someone on Tinder and be able to tell that they are the most perfect man on earth -- but I am slightly more discriminating.  Of course, I have a feeling my rules about how I swipe whom have pissed off the universe and so the way it gets back at me is when I swipe left on someone I totally wanted to swipe right on, only to never find them again.

Tinder Basics

If you're familiar with Tinder, you can go ahead and skip this section. Tinder allows you to see a picture and short bit of text.  Clicking the photo will allow you to scroll through other photos the person has posted.  If you swipe right it means you're interested.  Swiping left means you're not.  When two people swipe right on each other they get a notification that a match has been made and are able to message through the app.

How To Get A Girl To Swipe Right

I've got a few rules when it comes to my Tinder trolling but I've found that my girlfriends and I share quite a few -- so if you want to know how to get a girl to swipe right on you, here are some tips.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Your photo is the first thing I see.  Make it clear, and make it honest.  Sure, I'd love it if every photo of me was taken at the perfect angle in perfect lighting.  But that's not real life.  So post a picture that's as close to real life as possible.  If you're good looking, you're good looking -- no need to post your glamour shots. Here's what I'm looking for when it comes to photos: I want to see your face.  Not your profile, not your huge sunglasses, not you back lit. Fun, artsy photos do give me a sense of your personality but your initial photo should be one of your face.  And while I get that you love that hat, I want to see you without a hat, too.  Because you're not going to be wearing it when I meet up with you for the first time.  Right? I want to see more than one. I want to see a few shots of you.  While one needs to give me a good sense of who you are and what you look like, I also love shots of people doing what they love, and your dog.  But can we keep it to one picture of your dog? I want to know which guy is you. What is up with guys who post group shots and never give us any indication of which dude is them?  Here's a hint: you're the ugliest guy in the bunch if you don't tell us.  So even if you're actually the hottest, most girls HATE the group shot.

What Gets Me To Swipe Left Every Time (Photo Edition)

  • Dick shots.  I'm sorry but just stop.  There is a time and place for everything, even your dick, but not as a Tinder pic.
  • Children.  I'm assuming they're yours.  If they're your nieces/nephews that better be front and center but honestly, I don't care if you're good with kids.  We haven't even met yet.
  • No Picture.  Wow, that's a great sunset/boat/car/beer.  But I date men.

What Are Words Worth?

That space is there for text for a reason.  I want to see a few words.  So do most women.  You don't have to be poetic, you don't have to write a ton... but can you tell us something?  Here are some ideas: Ask a question.  The first time I saw this I thought it was a cop out BUT it actually made me message the guy immediately because it was a clever question (come up with your own... he deserves to keep his to himself). Tell or start a joke.  Women love to laugh and the best jokes are short.  Put in a dumb, short joke and you're sure to get a few swipes simply for that. Brag.  Not TOO much.  But if you won the 5th grade spelling bee, are a scrabble champion, or your beach volleyball team is ranked #1 you should let me know.  Or if you have a cool hobby, have never had a cavity, etc.  Hell, even putting an interesting piece of trivia about your home town or state is impressive. Be honest.  I actually really appreciate the guy who includes that he's down for a hookup but nothing else.  Also, the guy who is cruising for someone to hook up with his wife while he watches.  That's totally fine.  But it's not for me.  I also appreciate the guy who says he's looking for more than a hookup. Lyrics.  This is a risky one, guys, but if you pick the right song and the right part of the right song you'll score huge points with me.

What Gets Me To Swipe Left Every Time (Text Edition)

  • "I never know what to write here."  Okay, you only have to do this ONCE.  ONCE!  So figure out what to write here (see above).
  • "Ask me anything!" Booooooooooring.  Unless your pics knocked my socks off I'm likely swiping left.
  • Blank Space
  • Really bad writing.  Everyone makes mistakes.  I don't mind internet speak.  But if you screw up the basics I'm going to have to pass.  Left!

We Both Decided To Swipe Right, Now What?

Okay!  We've gotten that little message that says we agree that we might have some fun and now Tinder is pushing us to meet.  I'm not coy... I won't necessarily wait for you to message me, especially if you gave me something good to play off of in your text.  But just because we've gotten this far doesn't mean we're going to meet up (although I'm more interested in meeting than protracted messaging over Tinder).  Here's what I'm looking for, and what I'm offering:

It's awkward enough that we're using Tinder to meet so let's try to make this as unawkward as humanly possible.  Just launch into conversation and let's ignore that we're doing this.  OR make a good crack about what the hell two awesome people like us are doing on here.

Get to the point.  I'm on Tinder to meet guys to date.  A first date is exactly that: a first date.  So let's not build it up to be something big.  Let's just find a time that works and grab a coffee or a post work drink.

Engage me.  Did you notice something in my picture or profile text?  Show me you're not just pasting the same opening line to every match.

What Gets Me To Unmatch Every Time

  • A sleazy first line.  You've gotten this far, don't jump off with something about what you want me to do to you.  Because the only thing I'll do to you at that point is unmatch you.
  • Aggression.  I don't like to spend too much time chitchatting but I'm also not going to meet you RIGHT NOW.  And if I say I can't meet you RIGHT NOW and you keep going, well, that's just irritating.
  • New Information.  While I assume there is more to you than your profile text if you're suddenly married and only want me as a sex slave I'm not game.  Same for if you're now only looking for a hookup.
  • Flakiness, no movement.  After a few quick messages I'm looking for an invitation or offering one.  If you're not offering or accepting and are happy to just keep chatting on Tinder chances are we're not a good match.  I've got enough friends and people to text and while you might be cool, I'm not here to find new friends.

The Fine Print

Obviously these rules aren't hard and fast.  Someone can have great pictures, a good bit of text and then just give off a creepy vibe.  Or someone can have zero text but can have a picture that just makes me want to meet him.

Once I start talking to someone it's pretty easy for me to decide whether or not I want to meet face-to-face and I usually do that pretty quickly and always for a drink.  It can be coffee.  Once in a blue moon I'll agree to something else (ahem, Wall St.) but usually a drink of some sort is my go to option.

Which of these Tinder faux pas are you committing?  What's a way to get you to swipe right?  Let's continue this conversation in the comments or on Twitter.